Practicing my speech for Best Original Screenplay…
I would like to thank God, my Torpedo 18 and my doctor. Yes, that’s all. No, I won’t get off the stage, my allotted time is not up and I’m people watching… Does this statue come in tungsten? Hi, Pop! Oh, fine, queue the music, I’m out.
So… it hasn’t arrived yet, the Torpedo. ‘Tis coming from Neuss, Germany, the older, less attractive sister of Dusseldorf. I’d never heard of Neuss until my month long internet search for the perfect typewriter turned up the “gute Frau” in Germany, she of the modest shipping fees and fairly priced vintage cache, somewhere over the Rhine: Neuss, North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany.
Neuss gets a bad wrap on internet searches, red-headed, step-child-bad. You might be a biggot if – bad. Its like the search engine equivalent of racism or sexism the way the internet guides you straight past Neuss to Dusseldorf. If he, with the epic comb-over and bombastic political agenda, knew about this there’d be talk of another wall.
Fortunately Neuss, the city, has its own website; you’ll want to check it out and add it to your travel bucket list. Click this: Neuss, Germany
Turns out Neuss is the more interesting sister. It boasts an annual marksmanship festival, plays a winter sport called “rink bandy”, has tap water that tastes better than bottled water, and boasts a good quality of life along with impressive economic growth and stability. Under the Do’s & Don’ts section of the website is this quirky tidbit about quiet time:
“Hours of rest are usually from 1pm till 3pm and from 10pm till 7am from Monday to Saturdays and all day Sunday. It is prohibited to disturb others through noisy activities such as mowing the lawns, listening to loud music or labouring. Many have ended up in court.”
Labouring! Prohibited labouring, can you imagine? I’m so there.
Also in the plus column, because of the comings and goings of many nations, Neuss is said to have a noticeably high level of tolerance – if the propaganda is to be believed, Neussians not only want you to visit, they’d like you to move in.
And Dusseldorf used to be a swamp, for the record.
Meaner Than Thou 